X-ing a Paragrab (Poe)

From Summarium
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X-ing a Paragrab
Summary of the Short Story
Microsummary: An editor sought revenge on a rival by writing an article without the letter 'o', but a mischievous printer replaced all 'o's with 'x's, causing confusion and outrage among the townspeople.

A man named Touch-and-go Bullet-head was known for his irascibility and obstinacy. He decided to move from the East to a city called Alexander-the-Great-o-nopolis, believing that there were no newspapers or editors in that area. Upon arrival, he discovered that a man named John Smith had been editing and publishing the Alexander-the-Great-o-nopolis Gazette for many years.

Touch-and-go Bullet-head — editor from the East; irascible, stubborn, and determined.
John Smith — editor of the Gazette; dignified, rival of Bullet-head.

Despite this, Bullet-head decided to stay and establish his own newspaper, The Teapot, directly across from the Gazette.

In the first issue of The Teapot, Bullet-head published a scathing article about John Smith and the Gazette.

Oh, yes! Oh, we perceive! Oh, no doubt! Oh, my! Oh, goodness! Oh, tempora! Oh, Moses!

Smith responded in kind, mocking Bullet-head's writing style and claiming that he couldn't write a word without the letter "o" in it. Bullet-head, enraged by this accusation, vowed to write an entire article without using the letter "o" to prove Smith wrong.

The editor of the Teapot has the honor of advising the editor of the Gazette that he (the Teapot) will take an opportunity in tomorrow morning’s paper...

However, when it came time to print the article, the printing office found that they had run out of the letter "o." The young printer's devil, Bob, decided to replace all the missing "o's" with the letter "x."

Bob — young printer's devil; mischievous, resourceful, and bold.

The resulting article was a confusing mess of words with "x" in place of "o," which caused an uproar among the citizens of the town.

Sx hx, Jxhn! hxw nxw? Txld yxu sx, yxu knxw. Dxn’t crxw, anxther time, befxre yxu’re xut xf the wxxds!

Many theories circulated about the meaning of the strange article, but no one could agree on its purpose. Some thought it was a joke, while others believed it was a sign of Bullet-head's eccentricity. The town mathematician even tried to solve the problem, but to no avail. In the end, the townspeople were left baffled by the mysterious article, and Bullet-head disappeared without a trace.