from the Collection «The Trimmed Lamp»
A red-haired, unshaven, untidy man sat in a rocking chair by a window, smoking a pipe and reading a newspaper. His daughter, Lizzie, asked him to play checkers with her, but he refused, telling her to go out and play with the other children on the street.
The man's wife tried to convince him to spend time with Lizzie, but he insisted that she should play outside.
Lizzie grew up and became engaged to a man called Kid Mullaly.
One day, she heard that Kid was planning to take another girl, Annie, to a dance.
Furious, Lizzie went to a bar and drank whiskey, vowing to confront Kid and take revenge.
I’ll cut his heart out. Another whiskey, Tommy.
She found Kid at the dance with Annie and, in a fit of rage, stabbed him. Lizzie then fled the scene, pursued by a mob of angry people. She eventually reached a pier and jumped into the river, drowning herself.
In the afterlife, Lizzie's case was brought before a court. A special terrestrial officer, Reverend Jones, presented the case against her, stating that she had murdered her fiancé and committed suicide. However, the court officer announced that Lizzie was discharged, and that the guilty party was actually the red-haired, unshaven, untidy man who had neglected his daughter years before.
Discharged. Come here, Jonesy. First thing you know you’ll be switched to the pot-pie squad.
The officer warned Reverend Jones to be more careful with his arrests in the future.