Queries and Answers (Henry)

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Queries and Answers
Summary of the Short Story
Microsummary: A newspaper editor humorously responds to various questions from readers, providing witty and sarcastic answers to inquiries about literature, history, and personal advice.

A person with the pseudonym "College Graduate" inquired about investing in a newspaper, offering their capital in exchange for someone else's experience. They were advised to telegraph their address immediately and continue doing so every ten minutes until they were contacted.

Telegraph us your address at once, day message. Keep telegraphing every ten minutes at our expense until we see you. Will start on first train after receiving your wire.

Another individual, "G. F.", asked about the author of the line, "Breathes there a man with soul so dead?" It was revealed that the line was written by a visitor to the State Saengerfest of 1892 while conversing with a member who had just eaten a large slice of limburger cheese.

"Geologist" wanted to know where they could find the "Testimony of the Rocks." They were directed to the reports of the campaign committees after the election in November.

"Scholar" asked about the seven wonders of the world. They were informed that the wonders were the Temple of Diana, at Lexington, Ky.; the Great Wall of China; Judge Von Rosenberg (the Colossus of Roads); the Hanging Gardens at Albany; a San Antonio Sunday school; Mrs. Frank Leslie, and the Populist party.

"Constant Reader" inquired about the date of Christmas in 1847. They were told that it fell on the 25th of December.

"Ignorant" asked about the meaning of F. F. V. They were given two possible interpretations: Feel For Your Vest, if the person in question wanted to borrow money, or Following a Fresh Victim, if they were avoiding someone they already owed money to.

"R" wanted to settle a bet about the correct phrasing of a sentence involving a negro and a watermelon. They were told that the correct sentence should be, "The negro stole the watermelon from the farmer."

Neither. It should read, “The negro stole the watermelon from the farmer.”

"Hunter" asked about the Texas game laws. They were informed that the laws went into effect when one sat down at the table.

"Land Agent" inquired about trading a section of Panhandle land for a pair of pants with a good title. They were told that it was not possible, as nothing could be raised on the land in question.

"Advertiser" asked for the three best newspapers in Texas. They were told that the Galveston News ranked second, and the San Antonio Express ranked third.

"Prospector" inquired about the rights of married women in Texas. They were advised to visit the office and observe the physical state of the person answering the question, implying that married women did indeed have rights.

Hush, Mr. Prospector. Not quite so loud, if you please. Come up to the office some afternoon, and if everything seems quiet, come inside, and look at our eye, and our suspenders hanging on to one button, and feel the lump on the top of our head.

Finally, "Eli Perkins" asked about the authors of the sayings, "A public office is a public trust," and "I would rather be right than President." No answer was provided.